I guess I am getting old...

Let me begin with the statement that I LOVE XM radio!  I've always been a music lover, constantly had the radio on, but had no patience what-so-ever with commercials.  Especially considering that all the radio stations went on break at the same time.  Got to love that marketing technique.  Can't get away from the ads if you try.  So what does this have to do with getting old...

I grew up in a small NC town.  I had one of those red My First Sony radios in my room that could only pick up two stations clearly, a country station and an "oldies" station (you know...50s, 60s, 70s).  Every morning while we were getting ready for school, having breakfast and what-not, my mom would put on the radio for us to listen to.  She always turned it to that same oldies station since that was the music she liked to listen to.  Everywhere we went, the car radio was always playing either oldies or beach music...good 'ole Motown or classic rock.  It wasn't until I was in late elementary school when I went on a trip with a friend and her family that I ever realized there was such a thing as "pop" music (the good stuff from the late 80s and early 90s which you can only appreciate if you grew up during that time).  So....the point of that is....I was raised on the music my parents grew up listening to and continue to listen to it to this day.  Now...finally...here comes my point...

The other day as I was driving, I tuned the radio to XM Classic Rewind.  This wonderful channel usually plays 70s rock tunes and makes wonderful driving music.  Except, that particular day it wasn't playing 70s music, it was playing 80s music.  And not early 80s music, LATE 80s music with some early 90s mixed here and there.  I couldn't believe it!  80s and 90s music is now considered "Classic Rewind"?!?  I found myself feeling very old...ancient really.  Here was music that I remember debuting on the radio and seeing on MTV (you know, back when they did play music videos) and now it's considered a classic?  When I got home I shared this story with my husband.  His reaction was very much unlike mine.  He just looked at me and said, "Well, it is music from twenty years ago."  That's when it hit me...it really was twenty years ago when I was first sitting in front of the TV watching these videos on the screen.  Wow...doesn't seem that long ago.

It's a strange thing to me, getting older.  I am by no means old in most people's books.  Still, there are days when I really feel it.  Those days when the "to-do" list is a mile long and I cannot seem to be able to put a dent in it.  Those days when I stare at the clock until all hours of the morning, not being able to sleep, just to be awoken by a baby cry as soon as I nod off.  Those days when I hit the gym to take a step class that I used to breeze through all the time just to come away from it hardly being able to walk the next day.  Those days are made especially difficult as I remember the days I used to complete with ease.  Spending hours in class, then the dance studio, then work, only to come home to write an eloquent paper, run some errands or shop, stay up til 4am for no real reason, sleep two hours and do it all the next day...without ever breaking a sweat!  That after all, used to be an easy day for me!  Now remembering that only makes me feel like a little old lady before my time.

The flip side to all that is that I don't mentally feel the age I really am.  I argue with myself all the time that I now have limits, and responsibilities I never had to worry about before.  That's it's ok if I can't do what I used to be able to do, because I'm not the person I used to be anymore.  I just have to repeat that to myself over and over again when I start to get down on myself that I can't "run" like I did in my twenties any more.  Maybe sometime in the next ten years I'll find a way to accept that is the truth.