The Breast Cancer "Game"

Let me begin by saying that if this particular blog reaches more than the few of my friends who actually read this, it may upset some people.  Sorry if some people take it that way.  I know the current readers I have will understand that this simply is an opinion, my opinion, and not set out to hurt anyone in any way.  Now, that being said...

Over the past few weeks the latest "installment" of the breast cancer awareness game has been floating around Facebook.  I'm not sure what all the other versions of the game have been.  One was about bra color, one about where your purse was located, and I'm sure several more I wasn't even aware of.  The latest one had women implying they were pregnant using the month and date they were born.  Apparently, this game has offended a number of women. 

I had never played the game before.  Not because I don't want to support breast cancer research, but because I didn't think any of the concepts behind the games were "out there" enough to actually get people talking.  This time, I played.  I tried to be a responsible "player" of the game.  I emailed all the women on my friends list who I thought would care, informing them in advance that I was not pregnant and passing along the email I know so many of us saw.  For the guys (all two of them that asked), I explained it to them too.  Although it's fun to keep guys guessing and in the dark about certain things, if the point of the game is to spread awareness, then I was going to spread it to everyone.  After all, let's not forget that both women and men are affected by breast cancer (both first and second hand).  I'm sure not everyone "played" the game as responsibly as I tried to, but I can't control how others veiw opportunities like this, so I'm not even going to try.

Now that the game has been underway for a while, I've noticed that it's getting a lot of back lash from a couple of groups of people.  The first group are breast cancer patients and survivors.  No, I don't have breast cancer (or any type of cancer for that matter) so I can't personally understand what they go through dealing with this terrible disease.  I have had people close to me contract cancer, and continue their fight to this day.  The second group are women who have struggled with infertility issues.  No, I haven't had to deal with these issues either (knock wood on both counts that it stays that way) so I don't have the same personal feelings that they do.  I have known people who have dealt with all sorts of infertility issues and my hat goes off to them for the spirit they have to endure those types of losses.

So here's where I may begin to step on some toes.  Those who are upset with the game are mainly upset because they feel that the people playing are being insensitive to what those groups of people have gone or are going through.  I've read some pretty intense blogs that make it sound as if this was a thought out, planned, malicious act to rub in the faces these strong women (and men) all the hardships they have to endure.  Now I know I can't speak for everyone who played, but I would be willing to bet it all in Vegas that not one person who played this game did it with the intent to hurt anyone.  Why would they?  The intent was to raise awareness...and if you really think about it, that's EXACTLY what it did.  Like it or not, it's definately gotten people talking.

I'm not trying to undermine the feelings of those who were hurt in whatever way by the playing of this game.  I'm just offering up another way to look at things.  We live in a country where you have the right to have (and say) any opinion you want.  It's outlets like Facebook that make it possible to spread thoughts and ideas faster than before.  This isn't always a good thing and I don't always like the things people have to say, but they are entitled to their opinion just as much as I am.  If we all went through our day walking on eggshells doing everything possible not to offend or upset someone else, well, we might as well not even leave the house.  People today are so easily offended, it's impossible to do or say anything without getting under someone's skin.  I mean, prayer was taken out of school because one woman was offened by it and the whole thing snowballed.  Think of how wonderfully that whole "movement" has turned out...

Because of the negative response this game has gotten, I've learned things about breast cancer and infertility that I never knew.  Things I probably would have never learned had it not been for the controversy this game seemed to cause.  Do I think that the actual changing of your status update is going to prompt someone to do a breast exam or schedule a mammogram...well, no.  But, I do think that hearing about it on television (where it has been mentioned before) and reading about it on the Internet (and it seems to be all over the place) may cause people to take action for their own health.  I know I did my breast exam after some of the things I read.  So, take a minute and step back from the hurt feelings to realize that it actually may be doing some good.  After all, no evil was intended.  In my opinion, that should be enough sometimes.  Like the way it is happening or not, breast cancer is getting attention because of this game (more specifically the aftermath of playing the game).  It's getting attention that many other causes are not.  There's not a "game" for every disease, disorder, condition, etc out there.  Be glad that somewhere, some one (I'm guessing a woman) had an idea to cause a stir on Facebook to try and draw some attention for a good cause.  And, best of all, it worked.   

Don't Think It's Ever Going to be Enough

I'm not really sure how to begin this one.  I have so many emotions running through me right now, I'm not even sure I could write them all down and have them make any kind of sense.  But I have to try.  If I don't get them out of my head I know I'll never sleep.  With it being almost 1am already, that's something I need to get to doing tonight.

I guess the best place to start is to say that I love my sister.  I love her with all my heart and I wouldn't trade her for the world.  I'm not going to go into all the reasons that I needed to say that for the rest of this to make sense.  Those who are "following" me know me...and know her for that matter, so the rest should (hopefully) make some sense.  I don't know why, but lately the pressure that I've felt my entire life for being the "only one to do ___" has really caught up to me.  I don't know if it's because things in my life have slowed down (compared to the roller coaster they used to be) or if it because I now have a daughter that I'm petrified of passing some of the pressure on to.  But lately, I've been really feeling it weigh on my shoulders.  And it seems to make things that shouldn't bother me as much kill me.  I'm never going to have the "traditional" sister relationship that I've always envied from other people.  I can't lean on her in a time like this like I wish I could.  Part of me is thankful that these are things she will never know of...and part of me is desparate for someone like that to turn to (no matter what time it is).

I have a gorgeous nephew and niece who I see all too little.  I care about them more than I can express and think about them everyday.  I'm at a loss any more about what to do about this "situation".  I don't understand it.  I don't know what I could do differently to be a bigger part of their lives, or more importantly, for my daughter to be a bigger part of their lives.  They are the only nephew and niece I will ever have, they are the only cousins she will ever have.  I don't understand why we can't all be closer.  Sometimes it feels like I'm the only one that matters to. 

I know how this all seems.  My sister, the pressure I had growing up and the current situation concerning family don't seem to connect when you look at them from an outsiders point of view.  But for me, I keep asking myself, what have I done that isn't good enough this time?  Why can't we all be the family we should be?  We all live in the same town.  I know my door is always open...and I feel like I've pounded on a few lately.  No, everybody doesn't always get along.  But dammit...we're family and that should be enough.  My poor husband keeps asking me what I want him to do.  I can't answer him.  I don't know what to say.  I can't help but shouldering all the blame somehow thinking that one more annoying phone call might be just what it takes for everyone to realize what's really important.  For everyone to wake up and see what's really going on.  Put aside past differences because life is to precious and to short.  To put down all the petty bullshit and just be together.  I'm just not sure I have it in me any more.  I don't like feeling like that "friend" of the group that no one really wants around but lets hang out with them when they have to just because they don't want to say how they really feel.  But the overcoming sadness that I feel every time I hear family things are happening that we hear of last minute, or worse, not at all, kills me more. 

I wish I could shake everyone and make them realize the things they could have if they opened their eyes.  Things they take for granted that I so desperately want to be a part of.  No one seems to care that anything is missing but me.  Makes me feel so alone.  Like there's something wrong with me for wanting it in the first place.  I just wish there was a switch to turn off the feelings.  Because it really doesn't matter how many times I hear that it isn't a personal thing against me...it is...deep down it is...whether anyone realizes it or not.  It hurts.  And it's a hurt that doesn't go away.