The news has been flooded recently about the win for gay marriage in New York. New York is now one in six states where gay marriage is legal. Through listening to some of the many news stories about this new development, I've noticed that (like most big issues) people are either strongly for or strongly against gay marriage. I, myself, am for gay marriage. Not so gung-ho that I'm going to go to a protest and wave signs, but if you want to get married and have babies (and are financially stable enough to do so), I say go for it. I could really care less who you are or who you choose for your partner in life. I don't want someone telling me who I can or can't marry, so why would I do the same for anyone else?
It's gotten me thinking though. Most people who are against gay marriage say they don't believe in it because of the Bible. They say the Bible says that marriage is between a man and a woman (which it does, granted), so therefore allowing gays to legally marry would somehow be tarnishing the sanctity of marriage. OK, I'm a Christian. I believe in God. But I wonder when was the last time all these anti-gay marriage, Bible quoter's really read the Old Testament. I by no means claim to be an expert on the Bible. I've never read it from cover to cover. But here are two things I know are in there (in my own words, of course).
1- The Bible says that a husband has the right to beat his wife with any object that is smaller in diameter than his thumb (hence...the "rule of thumb").
2- The Bible says that the husband is head of the household, that a woman should be subservient to her husband, that he is "boss".
Now, I don't know about the men out there. I'm sure there are a few who would say they agree with those above conditions and would love nothing more than to have a wife that actually believes them too. BUT...you can't tell me that this political women who are against gay marriage would also agree with the two excerpts above. I can picture it now. Mighty Congresswoman (who shouldn't be working anyway) comes home after a long day only to slip on her pearls, mix her husband a drink, cook him a lovely dinner, and then massage his feet while taking her nightly beating with his switch. Yes, this is an exaggeration. But if you take the Bible literally (as the anti-gay marriage people tend to do) you would get some version of this on a nightly basis with your husband. I'm sure those same people who use the Bible to combat gay marriage would also tell you they were against spousal abuse (which is in the Bible). That's the part that makes me so mad. People who use things when it's to their benefit, but want to turn on their heels when it doesn't work for them anymore. If you're going to be a "Bible-beater" you have to beat the whole thing.
For me, I think the Old Testament should be taken with a grain of salt. There are some good things in there, but you have to remember how long ago it was written. Things change, society changes, people change. It should be used as an outline, not the iron clad law of your life. Would be an interesting topic on John Stewart though...
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Holy CRAP...I'm a NJ Housewife
I LOVE all the "Real Housewives" shows on Bravo. If I could, I would watch them everyday. Up until recently I watched all of them except Atlanta and New Jersey. Atlanta was just a bit to much for me...and I somehow felt the mob would come after me for watching New Jersey. My husband says to me all the time, "How can you watch that? It's horrible!" That's the point! It is horrible. Most of the women are not "real" nor are they "housewives" by the traditional description of the word. But I love watching them. It makes me feel normal. Like whatever is going on in my life isn't so bad.
I got sucked into watching the New Jersey version this season. I overheard two women talking about it in a check out line at Target (hello, my name is Andie, and I'm an eavesdropper). They kept going on and on about a brawl at a christening. Well, I couldn't resist. I had to find out what was SO bad that a full on fight could break out at such a holy event as a christening. And that's all it took. One episode. I was hooked. Then it happened. The more I watched, the more I realized. This is my family, on steroids.
So here's the quick version of what's happened on the show. Teresa and her brother Joe used to be really close. Joe is married to Melissa and Teresa is married to (another) Joe. Apparently, the Joes don't get along...not sure why...and Melissa and Teresa have never been very close. Each one blames the other for this whole thing. So they all got into a huge fight at a family christening and no one talks to one another. Teresa has reached out in the form of a letter...actually sat down and spoke to her brother...and as the last episode stopped, was sitting down to talk to Melissa. I think that's all the high points.
Now, here's my family. Tim and his sister used to be really close. Tim is married to me (of course) and his sister is married as well. Tim and his brother-in-law just don't see eye to eye on things, so they've never been real buddy-buddy. Me and my sister-in-law had always gotten along, but were never really close just because we didn't seem to have that much in common. She and her husband has already started a family, which (until about a year ago) just meant we were in different places in our lives. Tim and his brother-in-law got into a HUGE fight last year (won't go into details) and no one's done a whole lot of talking since. I've tried occasionally to get everyone together, or at the very least the wives and kids...but nothing ever seems to come of it. I get a lot of the "that sounds great" followed by ignored texts or unreturned phone calls. Seems like every time it gets brought up I hear the "I'm sorry" but nothing seems to change.
So...there are a lot of similarities. I find myself glued to each episode now almost looking for advice (as CRAZY as that sounds). But, hey, if they could fix things surely we could too. I just don't have a clue as to how or where to start. It breaks my heart that we all live in the same city and hardly see each other. I miss seeing my niece and nephew. But besides that, it KILLS me that my daughter may not have the relationship that she deserves with her cousins because the adults in the situation can't get along. I wonder what happened to faking it for the kids, so to speak. I wonder, sadly, if this bothers anyone else but me. It would be a very disappointing thing to find out that the other parties involved were fine with the relationships we have, but at least it would be a truthful answer. That's one of the things that stings the most, telling me you want something that you clearly don't. I'm a big girl. I can take the truth. Guess I have to wait until Sunday to see how the rest of the NJ conversation plays out. I'll be sure to take notes along the way!
I got sucked into watching the New Jersey version this season. I overheard two women talking about it in a check out line at Target (hello, my name is Andie, and I'm an eavesdropper). They kept going on and on about a brawl at a christening. Well, I couldn't resist. I had to find out what was SO bad that a full on fight could break out at such a holy event as a christening. And that's all it took. One episode. I was hooked. Then it happened. The more I watched, the more I realized. This is my family, on steroids.
So here's the quick version of what's happened on the show. Teresa and her brother Joe used to be really close. Joe is married to Melissa and Teresa is married to (another) Joe. Apparently, the Joes don't get along...not sure why...and Melissa and Teresa have never been very close. Each one blames the other for this whole thing. So they all got into a huge fight at a family christening and no one talks to one another. Teresa has reached out in the form of a letter...actually sat down and spoke to her brother...and as the last episode stopped, was sitting down to talk to Melissa. I think that's all the high points.
Now, here's my family. Tim and his sister used to be really close. Tim is married to me (of course) and his sister is married as well. Tim and his brother-in-law just don't see eye to eye on things, so they've never been real buddy-buddy. Me and my sister-in-law had always gotten along, but were never really close just because we didn't seem to have that much in common. She and her husband has already started a family, which (until about a year ago) just meant we were in different places in our lives. Tim and his brother-in-law got into a HUGE fight last year (won't go into details) and no one's done a whole lot of talking since. I've tried occasionally to get everyone together, or at the very least the wives and kids...but nothing ever seems to come of it. I get a lot of the "that sounds great" followed by ignored texts or unreturned phone calls. Seems like every time it gets brought up I hear the "I'm sorry" but nothing seems to change.
So...there are a lot of similarities. I find myself glued to each episode now almost looking for advice (as CRAZY as that sounds). But, hey, if they could fix things surely we could too. I just don't have a clue as to how or where to start. It breaks my heart that we all live in the same city and hardly see each other. I miss seeing my niece and nephew. But besides that, it KILLS me that my daughter may not have the relationship that she deserves with her cousins because the adults in the situation can't get along. I wonder what happened to faking it for the kids, so to speak. I wonder, sadly, if this bothers anyone else but me. It would be a very disappointing thing to find out that the other parties involved were fine with the relationships we have, but at least it would be a truthful answer. That's one of the things that stings the most, telling me you want something that you clearly don't. I'm a big girl. I can take the truth. Guess I have to wait until Sunday to see how the rest of the NJ conversation plays out. I'll be sure to take notes along the way!
Sunday, June 19, 2011
I guess I am getting old...
Let me begin with the statement that I LOVE XM radio! I've always been a music lover, constantly had the radio on, but had no patience what-so-ever with commercials. Especially considering that all the radio stations went on break at the same time. Got to love that marketing technique. Can't get away from the ads if you try. So what does this have to do with getting old...
I grew up in a small NC town. I had one of those red My First Sony radios in my room that could only pick up two stations clearly, a country station and an "oldies" station (you know...50s, 60s, 70s). Every morning while we were getting ready for school, having breakfast and what-not, my mom would put on the radio for us to listen to. She always turned it to that same oldies station since that was the music she liked to listen to. Everywhere we went, the car radio was always playing either oldies or beach music...good 'ole Motown or classic rock. It wasn't until I was in late elementary school when I went on a trip with a friend and her family that I ever realized there was such a thing as "pop" music (the good stuff from the late 80s and early 90s which you can only appreciate if you grew up during that time). So....the point of that is....I was raised on the music my parents grew up listening to and continue to listen to it to this day. Now...finally...here comes my point...
The other day as I was driving, I tuned the radio to XM Classic Rewind. This wonderful channel usually plays 70s rock tunes and makes wonderful driving music. Except, that particular day it wasn't playing 70s music, it was playing 80s music. And not early 80s music, LATE 80s music with some early 90s mixed here and there. I couldn't believe it! 80s and 90s music is now considered "Classic Rewind"?!? I found myself feeling very old...ancient really. Here was music that I remember debuting on the radio and seeing on MTV (you know, back when they did play music videos) and now it's considered a classic? When I got home I shared this story with my husband. His reaction was very much unlike mine. He just looked at me and said, "Well, it is music from twenty years ago." That's when it hit me...it really was twenty years ago when I was first sitting in front of the TV watching these videos on the screen. Wow...doesn't seem that long ago.
It's a strange thing to me, getting older. I am by no means old in most people's books. Still, there are days when I really feel it. Those days when the "to-do" list is a mile long and I cannot seem to be able to put a dent in it. Those days when I stare at the clock until all hours of the morning, not being able to sleep, just to be awoken by a baby cry as soon as I nod off. Those days when I hit the gym to take a step class that I used to breeze through all the time just to come away from it hardly being able to walk the next day. Those days are made especially difficult as I remember the days I used to complete with ease. Spending hours in class, then the dance studio, then work, only to come home to write an eloquent paper, run some errands or shop, stay up til 4am for no real reason, sleep two hours and do it all the next day...without ever breaking a sweat! That after all, used to be an easy day for me! Now remembering that only makes me feel like a little old lady before my time.
The flip side to all that is that I don't mentally feel the age I really am. I argue with myself all the time that I now have limits, and responsibilities I never had to worry about before. That's it's ok if I can't do what I used to be able to do, because I'm not the person I used to be anymore. I just have to repeat that to myself over and over again when I start to get down on myself that I can't "run" like I did in my twenties any more. Maybe sometime in the next ten years I'll find a way to accept that is the truth.
I grew up in a small NC town. I had one of those red My First Sony radios in my room that could only pick up two stations clearly, a country station and an "oldies" station (you know...50s, 60s, 70s). Every morning while we were getting ready for school, having breakfast and what-not, my mom would put on the radio for us to listen to. She always turned it to that same oldies station since that was the music she liked to listen to. Everywhere we went, the car radio was always playing either oldies or beach music...good 'ole Motown or classic rock. It wasn't until I was in late elementary school when I went on a trip with a friend and her family that I ever realized there was such a thing as "pop" music (the good stuff from the late 80s and early 90s which you can only appreciate if you grew up during that time). So....the point of that is....I was raised on the music my parents grew up listening to and continue to listen to it to this day. Now...finally...here comes my point...
The other day as I was driving, I tuned the radio to XM Classic Rewind. This wonderful channel usually plays 70s rock tunes and makes wonderful driving music. Except, that particular day it wasn't playing 70s music, it was playing 80s music. And not early 80s music, LATE 80s music with some early 90s mixed here and there. I couldn't believe it! 80s and 90s music is now considered "Classic Rewind"?!? I found myself feeling very old...ancient really. Here was music that I remember debuting on the radio and seeing on MTV (you know, back when they did play music videos) and now it's considered a classic? When I got home I shared this story with my husband. His reaction was very much unlike mine. He just looked at me and said, "Well, it is music from twenty years ago." That's when it hit me...it really was twenty years ago when I was first sitting in front of the TV watching these videos on the screen. Wow...doesn't seem that long ago.
It's a strange thing to me, getting older. I am by no means old in most people's books. Still, there are days when I really feel it. Those days when the "to-do" list is a mile long and I cannot seem to be able to put a dent in it. Those days when I stare at the clock until all hours of the morning, not being able to sleep, just to be awoken by a baby cry as soon as I nod off. Those days when I hit the gym to take a step class that I used to breeze through all the time just to come away from it hardly being able to walk the next day. Those days are made especially difficult as I remember the days I used to complete with ease. Spending hours in class, then the dance studio, then work, only to come home to write an eloquent paper, run some errands or shop, stay up til 4am for no real reason, sleep two hours and do it all the next day...without ever breaking a sweat! That after all, used to be an easy day for me! Now remembering that only makes me feel like a little old lady before my time.
The flip side to all that is that I don't mentally feel the age I really am. I argue with myself all the time that I now have limits, and responsibilities I never had to worry about before. That's it's ok if I can't do what I used to be able to do, because I'm not the person I used to be anymore. I just have to repeat that to myself over and over again when I start to get down on myself that I can't "run" like I did in my twenties any more. Maybe sometime in the next ten years I'll find a way to accept that is the truth.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Maybe this will help...
I've been having a hard time falling asleep for the last few nights. This really isn't surprising. It seems to happen every couple of weeks that I will have one or two nights that I just can't seem to get settled. So I get up, make myself a cup of Sleepytime tea and do some brainless activity like watching bad tv, checking my email, looking at facebook or other random websites until I can barely keep my eyes open any more. Then I finally fall asleep...until my sweet baby girl wakes me up and the day starts over again. This is night three this week...in a row...not been fun. So instead of a mindless activity tonight, I thought I would try writing. Now I'm here with my Sleepytime tea just typing.
The strange thing is that usually on nights like these there seems to be some sort of reason why I can't sleep. There's something on my mind, something I'm worried about or think I'll forget to do. I've always found it funny that I never get up and try to take care of "said thing" but only continue to obsess about it until I get to tired to think any more. Tonight there doesn't seem to be anything. My mind feels like it's racing but I'm not actually thinking about anything. I gave up trying to figure out what was on my mind because it wasn't coming clear and only seemed to be making the situation worse. It's like there's a hamster on a wheel spinning around in my head. Except, no hamster, just a spinning wheel with no logical reason why it's still turning. And yet, it does. It's a very odd thing.
On another note, the house seems to be coming along more and more. I have to keep telling myself that because even though I can see the progress with my own eyes, it still doesn't feel like I'm accomplishing anything. I was giving the suggestion to write down the things I'd done at the end of the day. Sort of like an acknowledgement to myself. Something tangible I could look at and say "see all the great work you did today! Good job!" I think the thing that scares me about doing something like that is that I have a feeling it would turn into more of a "that's it? That's all you got done?" I know everyone says that they are their own worst critic, and I KNOW that's true in my case. But I have got to find a way to take it easier on myself. Find some way of giving myself a pat on the back sometimes instead of waiting around for other people to do it for me. I guess the question then becomes, after 30 years of getting down on myself, how do you begin to turn it around?
I am proud of one thing though. I've cornered off part of a room upstairs where I can do "crafty" things. I've been making Lila's baby book along with a few other projects for my dad and Tim for Father's Day. I really enjoy making things. Now I have a spot in the house, with a table and everything, to work. Bye, bye to the days of trying to put together some creation sprawled out across a bed. I have a place, a work space, put together...and I'm happy it's there. I give myself a little "gold star" for that one. And, maybe, that's a start.
The strange thing is that usually on nights like these there seems to be some sort of reason why I can't sleep. There's something on my mind, something I'm worried about or think I'll forget to do. I've always found it funny that I never get up and try to take care of "said thing" but only continue to obsess about it until I get to tired to think any more. Tonight there doesn't seem to be anything. My mind feels like it's racing but I'm not actually thinking about anything. I gave up trying to figure out what was on my mind because it wasn't coming clear and only seemed to be making the situation worse. It's like there's a hamster on a wheel spinning around in my head. Except, no hamster, just a spinning wheel with no logical reason why it's still turning. And yet, it does. It's a very odd thing.
On another note, the house seems to be coming along more and more. I have to keep telling myself that because even though I can see the progress with my own eyes, it still doesn't feel like I'm accomplishing anything. I was giving the suggestion to write down the things I'd done at the end of the day. Sort of like an acknowledgement to myself. Something tangible I could look at and say "see all the great work you did today! Good job!" I think the thing that scares me about doing something like that is that I have a feeling it would turn into more of a "that's it? That's all you got done?" I know everyone says that they are their own worst critic, and I KNOW that's true in my case. But I have got to find a way to take it easier on myself. Find some way of giving myself a pat on the back sometimes instead of waiting around for other people to do it for me. I guess the question then becomes, after 30 years of getting down on myself, how do you begin to turn it around?
I am proud of one thing though. I've cornered off part of a room upstairs where I can do "crafty" things. I've been making Lila's baby book along with a few other projects for my dad and Tim for Father's Day. I really enjoy making things. Now I have a spot in the house, with a table and everything, to work. Bye, bye to the days of trying to put together some creation sprawled out across a bed. I have a place, a work space, put together...and I'm happy it's there. I give myself a little "gold star" for that one. And, maybe, that's a start.
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